I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
