I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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