saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
