What did we do last night that was yellow?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My life is pants optional.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
