I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
