i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize