Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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