he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
