I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
