You just made me feel so damn special
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
