so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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