I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
