Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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