the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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