I just cut my nipple shaving
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She told me I should be a condom model.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
