Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
