I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
