Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
