i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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