At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
