somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
