I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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