so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
