First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
a search helicopter?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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