someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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