oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
