her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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