will power is for people who don't want to get laid
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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