You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize