i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize