At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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