Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
