So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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