she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
