Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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