I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
