I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
