Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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