hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want to make out with him forever
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
