I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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