i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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