dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
