mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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