Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
