We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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