my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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