You really coming over, don't trick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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