I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
