i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
