Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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