She is in my trunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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