Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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