thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
