Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
