so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
