I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
