Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize