i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
