So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
