Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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