Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
