Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
