my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
