You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
